The Perfect Recipe To Be Bautiful

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry I don’t have the most perfect skin.
I’m sorry I don’t look like a Victoria Secrets model
I’m sorry I don’t have the best style.
I’m sorry I’m not tall.
I’m sorry I’m not perfectly skinny- 5’7 nor 100 pounds.
I’m sorry I have stretch marks here and there.
I’m sorry I have bad hijab days.
I’m sorry that I’m plain.
I’m sorry my eyebrows aren’t thin and perfectly trimmed.
I’m sorry my face isn’t caked in make-up.
I’m sorry that I can never meet society’s standards.

But you know what?

I don’t need to care about society’s criteria.
I don’t need people to tell me I’m beautiful.
I don’t need compliments to make me feel better.
I don’t need a superficial love that can’t withstand a stretch mark here or chub there.
I don’t need to keep sinking into a never ending pit of low self-esteem.

Because I looked to Allah, and He told me the perfect recipe to be Beautiful.
Not just temporarily, but forever.

“And the servants of the Most Merciful are those who walk upon the earth easily, and when the ignorant address them [harshly], they say [words of] peace,…” [25:63]

“And [they are] those who, when they spend, do so not excessively or sparingly but are ever, between that, [justly] moderate.” [25:67]

“And he who repents and does righteousness does indeed turn to Allah with [accepted] repentance. And [they are] those who do not testify to falsehood, and when they pass near ill speech, they pass by with dignity. And those who, when reminded of the verses of their Lord, do not fall upon them deaf and blind. And those who say, “Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous.” Those will be awarded the Chamber for what they patiently endured, and they will be received therein with greetings and [words of] peace.” [25:71-75]

Ya Allah, when the world criticizes me a million times over
Ya Allah, when the world keeps telling me hurtful things
Ya Allah, when the world keeps pushing “ugly” at me.
Give me the courage to hold firm to your Deen.
Ya Allah, as long as I am beautiful to you, nothing else matters.

Ya Allah, even when everyone leaves my side, let me take comfort in the fact that
You are closer to me than my jugular vein [50:16]

It's not easy as it seems...

Ada saat dimana saya merasa inkonsisten dan sedikit banyak mulai melanggar komitmen atas diri saya sendiri. Dan ketika itu saya kembali mempertanyakan, apa sih tujuan awal saya melakukan itu. And why now I'm having second thought? Apa yang dibilang orang tentang istiqomah itu sulit.

Memutuskan memakai kerudung pada tanggal 1 Oktober 2008. Tepat pada hari Idul Fitri. Atas alasan apa? Karena saya merasa siap saat itu. Tanpa paksaan. Saya tidak pernah membiarkan diri saya melakukan hal yang saya tahu dengan sadar saya tidak mau melakukannya. Termasuk mengenakan kerudung. Entah mengapa sampai sekarang saya menyebut diri saya 'kerudungan' bukan 'jilbaban'. Artinya tampak beda untuk saya. Saya percaya keinginan berkerudung itu muncul dari diri sendiri, atas apa yang saya percayai sebagai hidayah, atas apa yang saya percayai merupakan bentuk kesiapan dari diri saya sendiri. Kala itu saya berkata pada diri sendiri, kalau sudah tiba saatnya perasaan ingin berkerudung itu datang, saya tidak akan menghalangi. Karena siapa tahu kesempatan itu hanya datang sekali lalu saya mati sebelum melakukannya.

Dan begitulah tiga tahun sudah lewat, bukan tanpa tantangan. Karena bahkan saya sendiri pun merasa, mengambil keputusan itu adalah sebuah tantangan. Saya mengerti dan memahami kalau keputusan itu akan mempengaruhi kehidupan saya. Mengenakan kerudung berarti mengalahkan ego saya sendiri. That's the hardest part.

I love dressing up, wear make up, shopping, anything about fashion. Wearing hijab means I have to restrict myself and adapt with new rules. Perasaan tidak konsisten ini muncul beberapa kali, sekarang sih muncul lagi. I miss dressing up. Wear clothes and things I like without any restrictions, and due to it I couldn't judge anyone who feels the same. There's nothing easy in every process.

Don't you wanna know how I overcome this situation? Fed myself up with bunch of hijabi's blogs. Though I still enjoy a lot of nonhijabi's blogs,too. :D




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Because I'm obsessed..

..to Kate Middleton, Duchess of Cambridge, and by no intention found some websites and blogs about her. As a loyal fans, I felt that they already did something bigger proving their loyalty. Kyaaaa... by the way, I found those websites and blogs really helping for someone who admires Kate Middleton so much. For her beauty, fashion sense, life, and everything.

As for that, I share two of my best selected websites and blogs I found in my blog page. You can click and enjoy them like me checking them enthusiastically everyday. :)


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